I feel like I am back to square one, I have applied to study access to dentistry. I’ve realised how much I want this career and with this realisation I’ve also learned how much I dislike my job/life where I am at the moment. I think this has triggered the depression to come back with a vengeance. I’ve been off work, the thought of going to work makes me feel sick, my fiancé isn’t working at the moment and has been desperately trying to find a job which puts more pressure on me because we have bills to pay. I’m scared incase I lose my job but I CANT face going to work. I just don’t know what to do.
For the past year and a half I have been battling Depression and Anxiety. I’ve lost everything, been at my lowest and pulled myself back up. Never have I felt so alone.
You’re surrounded by people that love you and want to help you but you still feel completely alone because you’re trapped inside your own head. You can try and explain how you feel until you are blue in the face but nobody will ever really understand. It’s such a lonely place. You are angry and sad and spiteful and act completely out of character because you are so fucking angry at something, you know it’s something but you don’t know what. You blame anything you possibly can just so there’s a reason for this behavior. You hate people, you hate social situations, you hate pretending you’re ok. Bed is your favourite place, you can just lie in the darkness and not say a word, bed isn’t judging you and won’t speak, that’s good. The thought of moving from bed is unbearable, you have no energy, no motivation and no reason. You convince yourself that nothing is good in life. Your own mind becomes your worst enemy. You sleep because that is the only place to go where you don’t feel anything.
I am stuck in a world full of happy people, I am surrounded by friends and family that love me, I have a good life.. So why am I so sad?